The Trolling of John Watson
by Quadrophenia73
Summary: In which John regrets befriending the Holmes brothers on Facebook.


_****_**Here's an idea I had. Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock or Facebook.**

XXXXXXXXXXX

_**Sherlock Holmes joined Facebook.**_

_**Sherlock Holmes is now friends with John Watson and 8 others.**_

John's laptop beeped as he received an alert notifying him that Sherlock had posted on his wall. "Sherlock, you're sitting seven feet away." He clicked on the notification box to reveal the post.

**Sherlock Holmes posted on your wall: **_**John, why would you talk me into joining this? This website is full of imbeciles who cannot spell.**_

"Really, Sherlock?" he spoke aloud. "I asked you to join because-"

**Sherlock Holmes posted on your wall: **_**You asked me to join because you want me to socialize with these people who have nothing better to do other than giggle over photographs of kittens.**_

John shook his head and commented on the post. _**When I asked you to join, I didn't mean I wanted you to post on my wall when I'm sitting in the same room as you. You could speak aloud.**_

**Sherlock Holmes commented: **_**Speaking aloud is dull, John. You forced me to do this so I'm going to do what I want with it.**_

"Suit yourself." John closed the lid of his laptop and set it aside. He stood up and entered the kitchen to prepare himself a mug of coffee while Sherlock entertained himself by deducing people by the contents of their posts as he corrected their grammar.

He could hear Sherlock mumbling something about useless minds and the sounds of the keys on the consulting detective's laptop clicking. After John finished his coffee, he sat down and opened his laptop once again. He noticed that during his six minute absence he had received a friend request.

"Mycroft is on Facebook?"

"He apparently just joined." Sherlock scrolled through the details that were already filling his older brother's profile. "Boring."

**Mycroft Holmes listed Sherlock Holmes as his brother.**

John browsed through his news feed, taking notice of the things that Sherlock had posted.

**Sherlock Holmes listed The World's Only Consulting Detective as his occupation. Sherlock Holmes likes the science of deduction, serial murderers, and taunting morons.**

**John Watson added dancing with unicorns to his hobbies.**

"What? I never added that," John mused.

"I know. I did. You need to choose a stronger password, John," Sherlock scoffed.

"You're on my account? Sherlock! Log out of it this instant." There was a moment of silence until he received a notification.

**Sherlock Holmes posted on your wall: **_**Very well. Your profile is incredibly dull, almost more so than Mycroft's. **_

**Mycroft Holmes commented on a post on your wall: **_**There is more to life than being constantly entertained, Sherlock.**_

**Sherlock Holmes commented on a post on your wall: **_**Is that so? Enlighten me.**_

For the next fifteen minutes, John's notifications rose rapidly as the brothers bickered. Eventually the comments reached a conclusion.

He was starting to wonder if convincing Sherlock to join Facebook had been such a good idea after all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When John logged into Facebook the following day, he was greeted with fifty seven notifications, including seventeen wall posts, twenty-five likes, and various wall posts. Most of the notifications were courtesy of Sherlock, though he had a handful from Mycroft and a few from Lestrade.

"Sherlock, you are not using Facebook maturely!" he called over his shoulder.

"Maturity is for those with boring little minds." Sherlock entered the living room, wadding a paper towel against a bleeding wound on the back of his hand.

"What did you do?"

"I cut it. That's obvious."

John rolled his eyes as he rummaged through a cabinet for an antiseptic and bandages. "That looks pretty deep. How did you cut it?"

"I was cutting something for an experient." Sherlock yanked his hand away as John applied the antiseptic. "Why did you do that?" he whined.

"So it doesn't get infected. Now stop squirming." John finished cleansing Sherlock's hand wound. "There. You should be fine. Let me put on the band-"

Sherlock walked away and sat down behind his laptop, clicking on the Facebook bookmark. "Why didn't you respond to anything?"

"I didn't want to." John took Sherlock's hand and wrapped a gauze bandage around it.

"John, I was typing a sentence. Stop mother henning my wound and leave me be." Sherlock pried his hand loose and resumed typing.

When it became evident that Sherlock would remain fixed in place staring at his computer screen, John sat down to see what Sherlock was doing to his Facebook. "It says you aren't online."

**Sherlock Holmes listed John Watson as his mother. **_**Gregory Lestrade, Mycroft Holmes, and six others like this.**_

"Sherlock! Why on earth did you do that?"

**Sherlock Holmes commented: **_**Because of your tendency to become a mother hen. I had to use your account to approve the family request.**_

John let out an impatient breath and typed a response. _**Sherlock, I can't change my password every hour because of your boredom. Please stop cracking into my account!**_

**Sherlock Holmes commented: **_**No. If you want me to stop, choose a password that takes longer than forty seconds to figure out.**_

**Mycroft Holmes likes this.**

**John Watson commented: **_**Mycroft, stop encouraging him. **_

He removed the familial connection Sherlock had listed and changed his password one more time.

**Mycroft Holmes added Kidnapping John Watson to his hobbies.**

**Sherlock Holmes likes this. Sherlock Holmes commented: **_**Amusing hobby, but do try to send a car less suspicious than a black Mercedes.**_

**John Watson commented: **_**I'm thrilled that the two of you are getting along on here, but you are both annoying me with all these notifications. **_

Less that a moment after he posted his response, the Holmes brothers caused his notifications to soar with comments, likes, and anything else they could do.

**John Watson posted a status: **_**I've never wanted to strangle two people so much until now.**_

**Sherlock Holmes added Sleeping With Jawn to his hobbies.**

_**Mycroft Holmes, Gregory Lestrade, and twenty others like this.**_

John hesitated for a moment.**  
**

_**John Watson likes this.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**sdfghjkl review**


End file.
